Ever since I remember I've been indecisive, I know I want things I just don't exactly know out I want. I know I'm hungry but I don't know what it is I want to eat. I know I'm bored and wanna go out and do something, I just don't know what I want to do.
However, this also applies with my career choices and my ultimate life plans.
If you have been reading my blog for a while you will know that when it came to going to sixth form I choose subjects I liked and found easy rather than thinking about my future career and what I needed to get there. When it came to deciding what I wanted to do at university I choose something again that I found would be easy for me.
It didn't take long at uni for me to then realise that everybody on my course was there for different reasons than I was... everybody was passionate about it, everybody had dreams of doing that subject for years and already had their dream jobs in mind, whereas I just choose it because it felt like I had to quickly make a decision I wasn't even prepared to make.
Of course, I quickly dropped out of uni.
Everybody around me still tells me this was a bad decision.
But why would I waste my time doing a course I didn't even really wanna do? Studying something I had no intentions of spending the rest of my life doing?
Once I dropped out I stayed in London and got a job at a cocktail bar, met some of the greatest people ever and made some great memories, I loved it.
But I knew I didn't want to be there for the rest of my life (obviously)!
This brings me to today, today I woke up and got a phone call saying that the bar I worked at has been closed down.
Of course many sad thoughts have been running through my head, but I also instantly felt pressured to make yet another decision to get a new job.
I want a job that I love and that I can hopefully gain a career out of.
And now I face the ultimate decision, what do I want to do in life? Where can I see myself years down the line? And how do I get there?
It's scary to just make a decision that can affect your life so much, but I think today has presented that opportunity to me completely.
It's time to stop with all the part time jobs and figure out a real job.
I need to look at my options and see what I really want in life and what it's going to take for my to get there.
Once I've decided, if it means starting at the very bottom of a job, I will do it. If it means going back to education I'll do it.
I just need some time to make this huge decision that most people have always known about themselves and that I have never known.
I'm sure I'll find the answer in time.