I'm supposed to start university down in London (3 hours away from home) on 3rd October, most people move down around the 26th September, it's September now!
All student halls are full, I've looked around loads for house/flat shares but all require a £400 deposit upfront as well as a months rent which is also around £400 when you move in! (baring in mind i'm on minimum wage...). I can't help feeling stupidly unprepared for all of this, I've bought absolutely nothing for a house as of yet and still feel like I'm just not ready for all of this right now. I thought I was and i've been so excited to move down to London and meet everyone and go to uni but now it's here I don't want it.
I don't think I could cope without my friends and family being around me all the time as well as having no money whatsoever for a deposit/house and to live off. Also, like the unorganised idiot I am, I only recently sent off my student finance, therefore my loan will go in late as it's not even all confirmed, so I'd also have to fend for myself for the first few weeks or so and I'd need quite a bit of money anyway to live in London.
I hate it.
I don't want this to seem like this is the reason, but Josh and I also broke up yesterday and one of the reasons was because he said he would't be able to cope with the distance and uni and things. Which has only made me consider not going even more. I know how naive and stupid that sounds, and honestly even if that hadn't happened I still couldn't afford to live and still feel scarily unprepared for everything, but obviously as you can guess that made me question it even more.
I still want to go, I just want to defer my entry by a year, to give me time to actually figure out what I want in life and get a full time job and save and things.
The thing is, I've tried to tell my mom this, but she's so proud that one of her daughters is going to uni and she doesn't realise how serious I am about this. I've tried telling my friends but they're all just saying that 'if i don't go now then i never will', which I'm pretty sure that from living here for one more year will make me want to go away more than anything. And if I defer my entry then I'm still guaranteed a place anyway so I will go, I do want to do something with my life, I want a good career and I'd love more than anything to live in London so I'm certain I would go still.
Right now though, I'm not very dependent at all, as soon as I get money I spend it on rubbish, I can barely cook and I rely on others far too much and I seriously don't feel like I'm ready at all!
I honestly don't know what to do.