2010

2010 is almost over, and alike 2009 it has provided me with many lessons and regrets and laughs and love and loss.

i can't say that it's really been that good of a year as i've lost a few people who i loved and who i was very close to, i've been alone quite a lot and since octoberish i've been quite unhappy with things. i've taken a lot for granted and hurt people. i've gained friends and i've lost friends. i've been childish and i've grew up. i've made memories and i've forgotten memories. i've learnt from old mistakes and i've made new ones. i've cried myself to sleep and i've cried with laughter. i've had ups and downs. i've been generous and kind and i've been selfish and horrible.

i can't say i have many new years resolutions as i think they;re kind of silly. why wait for a new year to change something you don't like? plus, people never really stick to them much anyway, they say they'll go on a diet but a couple of weeks later that chinese takeaway sounds a little too good to refuse.

however, i think that new year is a very good time to reflect on both good and bad aspects of the previous year and to learn from those. i always try to take something with me from a new year and every year i try to be a better person in one way or another, last year i decided to be a faithful person and not make any stupid, careless and horrible mistakes, i also decided to be more thoughtful and caring. i think i achieved these things quite well in 2010, but there's no point in improving some aspects if you're going to ignore new bad aspects that appear if that makes any sense at all?

like i said, i've been on my own a lot this year but i want to improve that by learning from it and becoming slightly more independent rather than moaning about it constantly.

i've lost many people i love, some being my fault some weren't, either way it hurts to lose a person you love, and if you can get that person back in our life in some way or another i believe in putting everything you have in to doing that. if you lose a person due to death or because you grow apart and you can't stop it without hurting others then i believe in cherishing memories with them and making new memories with new people rather than dwelling on the past.

i wasn't the person i wanted to be in 2010 or 2009 for that matter, i've been a rather selfish person which has resulted in me losing somebody i was very close to. although this has been one of a few reasons for my unhappiness throughout the past few months i can only try my very best to improve myself as a person.

i think when you lose somebody who you love you kind of realise how good it was when it was there more than when it was there.

hence the quote

'you don't know what you got till it's gone'

this little quote here sums me up in a nutshell for 2010, i have taken so many things for granted and i constantly try to tell myself that there is somebody who is always worse off than myself, somebody who would probably do anything to have had the relationship i had, to have a big family who all love me, to have all of the materialistic objects i have, to have the amount of food and drink i have and to have a home to come home to every night whether it's an empty home or a home full of people.

i think 2010 has mainly taught me that, i've been a bit of a spoilt bitch this year, i've been selfish and taken so many things for granted and i want 2011 to be a year of putting things right again and to appreciate every aspect of my life and to live every day like my last.

to fight for what i believe in and to not give up on those who i love and can help losing.

i'm not going to make a resolution, i'm going to make a promise to myself. i promise to appreciate every aspect of my life and to give back as much as i can to those who have loved me and stood by me through a lot. i promise to try to change a lot of my selfish ways to prevent making those who i love unhappy. i promise myself that by making other happy i will make myself happy again.

i'll start now by saying thank you to every single one of my followers, i don't know how many of you actually bother reading this nonsense half the time, but i do appreciate those who do, i appreciate every single comment i ever get and i appreciate the fact that a small population of the world cares enough to listen to what i have to say even if half the time it is depressing or just a random ramble about my life.

so thank you, if i could fly over and give you all a big fat hug, i would.

i hope everybody had a lovely christmas and hopefully an even better new year! :)