i'm sorry if anybody gets annoyed with this, or thinks it's me attention seeking or whatever your opinions are of this or whatever. in previous posts i've had comments from people saying it's better to talk to people you don't really know sometimes. this is honestly just a bunch of everything that is on my mind and i'm sorry for sounding depressing or anything like that. i'll probably delete this by tomorrow i just really need to rant. about two years ago i would have been sat with one of my best friends crying on their shoulder with them telling me everything is going to be okay. right now, i honestly don't have a best friend. i have nobody at all to talk to so i have to resort to ranting about my feelings online. to a bunch of people who i don't know.
today i got the lowest mark in a test in my whole class, and we had to read our results back to the class.
i have an exam for that subject in about a week.
on my birthday two months ago, i found out horrible news which now only means i get to see my mom three times a week if i'm lucky. which also means none of the family ever visit anymore.
i recently told my dad i wanted nothing more to do with him. he just comes back in to my life when he feels like it to hurt me and i hate it.
i hate sixth form and it's worst place in the world and i'm so unhappy there.
i feel ugly.
i feel crap at everything.
i lack motivation and i feel like i'm constantly bringing others down with me.
i just lost my best friend.
dan broke up with me today.
i have nobody to speak to and i feel so lost.
i just wish i had no commitments so i could just get away from here for a bit and not have to face the people i don't like and go to the place i don't like every single day.
i want to go away just for a few weeks just to think and to get away from here and not have to cry daily.
i'm sick of having panic attacks and nearly being sick from crying so hard.
i'm sick of trying so hard to make people happy and feeling unappreciated for it.
i'm sick of having nobody.
i miss the person i used to be.
i want to be told, 'everytime i see you you're laughing' again.
i hate every aspect of my life at the moment.
my sister and her boyfriend broke up yesterday.
it's horrible because they seem to perfect.
and i feel guilty for sitting in bed for hours crying when she's downstairs after coming out of a four year relationship probably feeling 100x worse than i am.
i hate myself for crying over the person that makes me happy and goes out of his way to be hurtful.
maybe it's just me.
i want to change.
i apologise in advance if my blogging becomes less frequent or crappy lately.
everything will be okay in time.
this may make no sense at all to some people.
i'm still here, i just need time.