Sunday, 18 March 2012

you will never know, just how beautiful you are to me.

(warning, this isn't really a planned post, more of a ramble, it may get quite long and quite soppy. please ignore if that happens!)

if you've been reading my blog for as long as i've been writing it, you may notice that i don't usually tend to give much information about the guys in my life, unless i'm in a relationship. as i blog about them constantly and what not so find it useful to dedicate small (normally, not so small) posts about boyfriends and what not. mostly just to express some happiness, introduce them to my blog, and also as something to look back on down the line and see how i was feeling at that time.

if you don't read my blog regularly but find yourself reading this post, i'll quickly inform you that after my previous two relationships i never really have time for 'feelings' and anything of the sort. i stopped believing in depending on guys, i stopped making the effort with guys and for quite a while now i've been very single and very happy that way.


meet chris.

i've briefly mentioned him in a couple of posts but i'll give you the shortest explanation ever of the story behind him. (it'll probably be quite long)....
chris' brother and my sister got together almost 6 years ago, (she was living with her boyfriend and his family in london back then while i lived in the midlands with my mom and other sisters), so she came to visit us one day and decided to bring him (i think i was about 14/15). i met him for a second then was out the whole weekend so never saw him again after that.
just after my 16th birthday, i was with my ex boyfriend dan at this point, i went down to london to go and celebrate my sister, ann's birthday but decided to go for the week. that's when i properly met chris...
he offered me and the friend i went there with, his room for the week and as my sister was working some of the days he would offer to take us out, show us london and pretty much keep up entertained. (i think he was 17 at the time). me and chris got to know eachother quite well that week and there was plenty of jokes and banter between us (okay flirting!). i had a boyfriend and he was aware of that. so the night of my sisters birthday everybody drank so much and ended up going to an after party. that's where i kissed chris for the first time. (yes, i was a terrible person. yes, i eventually told my ex boyfriend, yes, that's kinda one of the reasons he's now an 'ex', but yes, i was young, hadn't been in a relationship before and i was stupid. but that's a different story for a different day).
i went back to my mom's a couple of days after that and me and chris got texting a lot, a while after i eventually confessed everything to my boyfriend at the time, dan, and he obviously got very upset and i promised that as long as i was with him, i wouldn't speak to or see chris.
me and dan broke up after two years of being together, i won't go in to that but i'm pretty sure if you go far enough back in my blog you can read all about the joys of that. chris never crossed my mind for a while after that. we hadn't spoken in well over a year and he wasn't on my mind.
eventually i got a new boyfriend and things were all good.
in july last year my oldest sister got married (i have four sisters, kinda confusing. but the sister who got married wasn't the sister who is with chris' brother.) and me and my boyfriend at the time, josh, went to the wedding together. completely still not really thinking about chris....
so obviously when i got to the wedding and saw him after cutting him out of my life for over a year it was kinda weird. he said hello and i introduced him and josh and then before i left (i was pretty drunk at this point) i think i quickly apologised about everything and then left. he went back to london that night and as i got home i unblocked and re-added him on facebook.
eventually we got back to talking/texting. nothing flirtatious, just about what we'd been doing for the past year, about his girlfriend, about my boyfriend, about work etc. i told him i was moving to london in october for uni and that was about it.
in the september me and josh broke up after 6 months of being together. (nothing to do with chris this time btw.)
eventually i was happily single and on my way to move down to london....
within a few weeks of me moving there chris broke up with his girlfriend and me and him started spending quite a lot of time together and grew really close.
i liked him. he liked me. we enjoyed eachothers company, he was always willing to go out and do something fun, we had banter together, we talked about anything and everything.
until very recently me and him have grew completely inseparable.

firstly i'll start by saying that we are not 'together'.
we're very comfortable around eachother, do everything that 'boyfriends and girlfriends' do i.e. hold hands in public, stay at eachothers houses, go on dates etc. and i literally find him the most perfect guy ever. but....we've both spoke about it and we came to the agreement that we're completely happy how we are, we've both had bad relationships and we've both been hurt, we both agree that feelings always get hurt in relationships. they're messy. people ask questions. people get nosey. we just don't want all that so at the moment we're just very happily enjoying eachothers company and being all honeymoon-ey.

so the point of this post was to just express a few feelings/thoughts about him.
(i've never been one for speaking openly about stuff as i've always just preferred to write them down)
i can honeslty say i've never met a more perfect guy in my whole life. anybody so caring, thoughtful, fun, lovely.
if i text him saying my legs hurt after work at 5 in the morning he will get in a cab across london to come and massage my legs to help me sleep.
he pays attention to things no one would ever think of, for example. i don't eat vegetables, but with a chinese i like sweet and sour chicken, and i only ever eat the chicken, and the other week he bought me dinner over and he'd asked for it without the vegetables!
he goes online to check the menu of restaurants before going there just to make sure there's something on the menu i'll like (i'm a fussy eater).
he takes me on date night every week.
he laughs with me. he makes me feel better if i'm ill, tired, annoyed. we do everything together and right now i really like him a lot.
i can't quite express how perfect he actually is in writing.
the little things he does makes him so perfect for me and right now i'm so happy with where we are.
my sister didn't accept it at first, she said 'we're practically related' and we had a lot of crap over it, but we shrugged it off.

i came back to my moms a few days ago and i'm here for a couple of months and i miss him a lot, but he's gonna come up and visit hopefully soon!

so yes, if anyone actually sat there and read that ramble then you deserve a medal. it probably doesn't make sense and i can't be bothered to spell check it. but i just wanted to write a bit about him and also give those who do read my blog a bit of an insight to who i keep going on about.

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