growing up.

it's 4pm and i'm still in bed.
all morning/afternoon i've sat in bed ate toast and watched the hills and the sex and the city movie.
it's really sunny today too but dan is ill so i don't fancy going out on my own.

today i've been thinking about the future a lot. it's a bad habit lately because i really should be living for now but lately i can't help myself.
i can't believe that i'll be 18 soon. i'll be an adult. i'll be expected to do everything for myself and stuff.
i was also thinking about university, i do this a lot. i'm scared of uni, although it's not for another year i get to scared of change. i used to love change but now it just scares me.
i mean i'd love more than anything to get out of where i live now but i'm dreading only getting to see dan monthly and stuff.
i keep thinking like, what if everybody at uni will hate me, i'll have nobody because i'll be so far away from family and friends and dan and i'll have nobody there to rely on.
scary thought.

i hate looking in to the future sometimes.
on a positive note, the future does involve christmas, my 18th birthday itself and my second year anniversary.
it's not all bad.

i need to stop though i think, it's not good to live in the future.